FOOOOOOOOOOTBALLLLLLLLLL!

Been a while, here's what happened while I wasn't posting on time like a responsible 'journalist' would:


Footballers took a step closer to becoming robots.
Rooney was suspended for 2 games for telling everyone to fuck off having scored a hat trick and Carlton Cole is in trouble for making a reasonable funny joke with racial undertones. In a world outside of football people would shrug at these two incidents, maybe even chuckle but shit the bed these are footballers were dealing with here.
If the argument goes 'they need to set an example to kids' then it's a paper thin one. We can't think very highly of our youth if we believe they will see F'ing and blinding, not hours of practise, as the pre-requisite to having unbelievable tekkers. I was not that stupid when I was young, and ask yourself if you were too.
If everyone wants these athletes to start acting in the realms of social normality then can we first place realistic expectations on them first. No wonder they're all putting phones up other peoples bums and sleeping with ugly hookers.


Real Madrid beat Spurs in Champ-on's League (a.k.a Champion's League circa the heady days of Steve Van Claren)
My live thoughts AS THEY HAPPENED but 5 days later:

Would bale fit in a real? They both could do worse

Cristiano, for all the footballing ability in the world, has never had a decent haircut.

He always manages to look like a pubescent pervert

Modric close control unbelievable Jeff.

How strong is Real’s bench. Too strong.

35 yard screamer.

Good goalkeepers do not like North London, fact.

What a shame a decent match has been ruined by 1 mistake.

Defoe hair LOLZ

Is Sammi Khediera just Milan Baros in disguise, reinvented as a decent holding mid

Spurs don’t want to score unless it’s a penalty apparently

4 classico’s = peng.

“He’s thinking ‘i’m going to try and curl that into the roof of the net’” itv commentary. Roof of the net? That’s a miss. Proof that itv are shit.

Good reception for a disappointing result TBF

The FA Cup Final lineup was decided:

OFFICIAL ALTERNATIVE SPORTS REVIEW PREVIEW

I couldn't care which one of these teams win. I hope they both lose.

Too many blog, too many many blog. We need less blog in here. GET INVOLVED!

Tally Me Banana.

The Scotland Brazil game played at the Emirates Stadium last Sunday was marred by racism.

But was it though?

Let’s look at the “evidence”, the unpleasant plant was thrown from the Brazilian section of support.  This, in my humble opinion, means that there is as much likelihood of the perpetrator being Lithuanian as being Brazilian or Scottish for that reason. This was a friendly played on neutral ground, the only reason the Scot’s got tarred with a racist brush is that they live next door. Bigotry by geographical proxy.

The banana thrower was probably a stupid Londoner. They should be banned, as should anybody who throws anything on to a football pitch, from entry into any stadium. Rules is rules, how hard is it to watch a game respecting those around you and on the pitch?  

The real issue here is the loaded meaning behind the offensive fruit. Were the Brazilian players too quick to jump to a conclusion that might not have been there?  Could this have just been an idiot throwing what he had in his hand towards the pitch rather than a vicious act of hate crime? Racism is the ultimate form of ignorance, but how far below are false accusations of racism? Is there an argument that they are equally as hurtful?

History has to forgive anyone who would consider the worst. But it should be just that, a carefully thought out consideration.  However, with fast paced up to the minute media reporting and the internet giving an instant platform for any Tom, Dick or Neil to project their opinion within typing seconds does anybody have the time to consider consideration?

Maybe we should take some time to think about that.       

Gentlemen, Start Your Engines...I Guess.

So the Formula 1 season is back under way. The biggest question being: Does anybody really care? The problem with motor sport is that simply, it’s not a casual watch. A football match takes 2 hours tops of coverage. A racing weekend is exactly that, a whole weekend. 3 to 4 hours at a time. And it’s hardly an accessible sport either. Anyone at any age can pick up a tennis racket and hit a ball, not everyone can get in a car and drive it fast.

Want more proof? Look at how little faith F1 head Bernie Ecclestone, a cross between a dying oompa loompa and the German costume designer from Disney’s ‘The Incredibles’,shows in his own sport. Fake rain?... Fake Rain? Because completely ruining the credibility with fake acts of god is the way to increase excitement and thus viewing figures right? Wrong. (Fake rain reminds me of the brilliant Budweiser/FA premier league commercials, except these ideas are and remain more legitimate)

For a real lesson turn to cricket and the invention of twenty/20. A quick and easy watch that allows certain players to thrive, becoming household names where a lack of opportunity in longer forms of the game would prevent them, whilst maintaining the legacy and prestige afforded to those die hard fans.

And there’s your answer. These fans are perhaps where F1’s interests are best served. Surely ‘fake rain’ would only cause disillusion and alienate the core support. Focus on what is the best roster of drivers the grid has had in some time and leave the weather conditions to news reports. 

Who's In Charge?

Welcome to the first irreverent view on current sports trending topics. Let’s jump straight in with the week’s biggest story: the England captaincy debate.

You have to feel sorry for Rio Ferdinand. There is no off the pitch reason he should be stripped of the armband. The problem for Rio is on the pitch, mainly because he’s never there. Though this is through injury and no fault of his own it only adds to the farcical nature of the ‘hand me down’ that this issue has become.

I admire Rio as a player, online magazine editor, Rock’n’Rolla and La Tasca fan (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xgdKhNRxvwg)but I do question why he was given the captaincy in the first place. At the time John Terry was originally stripped Rio was not club captain, a qualification that really should be a prerequisite, and he is not United’s captain now either.

It speaks volumes for Capello’s feelings on Gerrard. Steven has been one of the country’s better performers these past years, though at times that contest has seemed more like ‘which piss was easier to pass’ in urinary infection unit, yet he has been overlooked AGAIN just through the one injury ruling him out against Wales. As apposed to Ferdinand’s injuries ruling him out of pretty much every meaningful game ever (again, not his fault).

I have no real objection to John Terry’s reinstating. He did deliver the stand out moment of England’s entirely unfruitful World Cup 2010 campaign (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rZBgPsMuXw).  With his mind on playing football he is pretty good (same piss pass class as Gerrard) and for the most part is regularly available for selection. But the whole saga has been handled like an elaborately staged affair with a fellow professional and team mate’s wife; awkwardly.

Ultimately Capello is to blame, and it’s not the on-field leadership issue that troubles me. I don’t think he’s ever fully come to grips with how to handle the intense media in this country, and this story leaking the way it did is indication enough. At club level he has a more than reputable C.V, but over time his disciplinarian and automaton regime has lost its gloss. From the banning and bringing back of Beckham, the World Cup itself and now this, it just seems as if the national team is in a state of flux.

Which of course it is. With Capello announcing his decision to step down after the Euro’s in 2012 the national team sort of resembles a sturdy bus with a drunk in charge at the wheel. We should be strong enough the plough through smaller less significant Welsh vehicles but a sharp turn in the wrong direction could turn this thing to a giant mess.